Questions; Manhood; Pain; Story; Identity
- nigelfareed
- Jul 8
- 4 min read
One weekend back in 2010 I attended a men’s weekend with a group called ‘A Band of Brothers’. We spent the weekend in the forest exploring issues of Initiation Rites of Passage, the wounds that we still carry and engaged in different activities to allow buried pain to rise to the surface in order to let them go and move on.
I remember sitting in a circle of about 100 men and we all had a small percussion drum on our lap. We all just went with our instinct and began to tap the percussion drum. It was a powerful experience as the sound increased. It spoke.
Another men’s weekend I attended, again about 100 men stood in a circle and put our arms around each other and sang a Bill Withers song….Lean on me when you’re not strong, and I’ll be your friend, I’ll help you carry on, for it won’t be long ‘til’ I’m gonna need somebody to lean on….Just call on me brother when you need a hand…we all need somebody to lean on.
One of the activities we did in the forest, was explore some Questions….
Questions that are open, incisive, penetrating, probing and revealing can also be painful. That is the point though, we have to be down to the bone honest in order to move toward being more integrated and whole, rather than remain divided, ambivalent and hiding behind the false selves we have unconsciously constructed through our self protection.
Although these Questions can be for both men and women, they are primarily aimed at men.
Underneath the false selves lies our true heart, our true identity, and even our greatest gifts and abilities to offer others. We have do some digging though. Questions can serve as one of the digging tools.
Many of us played Hide and Seek when we were children, boys as well as girls. The tragedy is that many of us are still hiding and God Himself is the One seeking us. We are so used to hiding though, that we are not even aware.
‘Who ‘SAW’ you, the real you- and ‘saw’ your potential BEFORE you were 20 years old? What role model for healthy life giving manhood did you have before you were 20?
Reflect on anything that surprised you and feedback to someone you trust or in your small group if you are in one.
Using your INSTINCT- What is the one thing that you know now, that you wish you wish you knew then, before you were 20?
Reflect on anything that surprised you and feedback
Subject: My life as a young man. This is about going into the DEEPER TRUTH that you FEEL- NOT your interpretation of it.
Share something of your story as a young man. The other person/s then ask: ‘What is the deeper truth of that’?
Activity: Do this with one person who you are close to and who you trust, or in a small group if you are in one. The title of this is ‘What I really don’t want you to know about me is’…… Each one then say’s what they don’t want them to know about them.
Reflect on what may have surprised you.
What is the part of you that NOT for sale? Each one answers in turn.
Reflect on what may have surprised you.
What INSTINCTIVELY (not in your head) comes to mind-when you think of:
>Family
>Money
>Crime
> God
>Sex
> Work
>Ambition
>School
>Meaning of Life
>Men
>Women
>Children
Reflect on what may have surprised you. What do you think that says about you at this time in your life?
QUESTIONS TO ASK IN A SMALL GROUP or ONE TO ONE:
What is your Story and why is it important?
Who are the KEY PEOPLE who have shaped your life? How?
What have been the key conflicts in your life and how have they shaped you?
What can I learn from listening to someone else’s Story?
Our lives are composed of thousands of stories, but most have been forgotten or simply don’t register as important enough to remember. We are much more than the sum of our stories.
Themes, Turning Points, People, Experiences, Places….
If we fail to know the THEMES of our unique Story, we are less likely to live that Story well or live out of our true identity.
Think of all the Turning Points in your Story- We all have very painful Turning Points but also Life giving Joyful Turning Points. These Turning Points in our Story form a Landscape for us to stand back and observe as a Neutral Observer on our Story. This is what writing down as many Turning Points in our Story can facilitate.
Then clarify the Themes of our Story- What are they? The painful and the identity shaping ones. Key people, experiences and places all relate to the Turning Points in our Story and the impact they had on us as well as how specifically they shaped and formed us even.
I run a course called LIFEQUEST- because to go and get our Hearts back and connect with WHO we are BECOMING because of what we have had to OVERCOME is a QUEST. Are you prepared to go on that Journey?
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